by Jesse Gardner
“How are we going to strategize when we can’t even feel?” This quote hit me in the heart as my teary eyes stared at the screen showing the Zoom room speaker view. Foundations of Somatic Abolitionism is the name of the course I was participating in led by Resmaa Menakem and Carlin Quinn. Resmaa, author of My Grandmothers Hands, emphasized how the healing from white body supremacy is a process that is emergent- it takes time. To embody and build an anti-racist culture we are invited into the long term inner work of deeply being with our experiences.
Desmond echoes similar sentiments in our latest episode of Worth Work podcast entitled The Inner work. Around the 20th minute mark I asked Desmond, “How do we reclaim our worth? What are those practices?” He responded:
“A lot of it for me is the capturing of what is going on inside my mind and body, through writing, journaling, artistic practices, creativity, conversation, processing, therapy. To pause a bit of the dynamic that is my internal lived experience, the constant flow of thoughts, ideas, sensations, all that. Pause it, take a little sample of it and then ask myself essentially 'Is this effective for where I want to go. For the purpose that I've created for myself.' And part of the inner work is creating that purpose for yourself."
That pause that Desmond talks about is crucial. In this white centric context I am taught to go, go, go. Often I am running from shame. I am running towards attempts to be considered worthy. I am running because the status quo says- run! I am running to serve those in power. I am running because the dominant systems of patriarchy, white body supremacy, cis-hetero normative, capitalism and ableism survive when I work myself to the point of exhaustion.
Pause. Notice. What if I take time to observe what came up for me writing these first couple paragraphs. What if I asked myself: What am I thinking? What emotions am I experiencing? What stories am I telling myself? What sensations are present in my body? Not much would happen. A bit more awareness. Maybe I take some breathes, and find some calm, maybe not.
Over time though, imagine what can emerge when I take those pauses. Imagine if I get together with other white bodies and we practice together without depending on people of color to be our sole teachers in equity work. Imagine less harm being inflicted on bodies of color because of the awareness muscles being built. Imagine if we could shift the culture in our own lives by honoring grief, slowing down, noticing how whiteness wants to operate and choosing a different path. Imagine how this might shift things for our grandkids grandkids. Imagine.
Ultimately this inner work is about tuning into experience this body and from their creating purpose. (Desmond unpacks this concept at the 27th to 30th minute of this episode). Teachers we invite you into these pauses. To take 2 BARS and breathe, align, relax and shine often. Notice what comes up. Notice your triggers. Notice how you cope. Notice how we want to fix and maintain the status quo. No judgement. Just notice.
Before we build our equity strategies for our communities, schools, and classrooms it is paramount that we pause and learn how to feel and be with our experiences. Even when all our conditioning is screaming at us to keep running.